


Folie à deux

by Sychronergy



Category: Death Note
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-04-30 06:27:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5153672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sychronergy/pseuds/Sychronergy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Lawliet," Doctor Light Yagami said firmly, "There is no Mu. There is no Death Note. You're in a hospital – a mental hospital." AU/Alternative Ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Folie imposée

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Death Note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [French translation](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9978948/1/Folie-%C3%A0-deux) by Nesprima (from fanfiction.net)

Heaven, hell, paradise, purgatory – wherever humans went when they died, was simply a small, suffocating room with a single bed and desk.

L knew it, because he was dead, and he was there on the bed; left to die again beneath white blankets.

But he wanted to be out; to be alive. To be anything other than trapped between four blank walls that threatened to asphyxiate him any second. This second.

He was L, the world's greatest detective – and he truly did not like Death.

This was something he'd wish on someone like Kira, but even he knew that Death Note users went to Mu. And Mu, the nothingness, had to be better than a small, suffocating room with single bed and desk – whatever the hell this was.

To think 'The Greatest detective' in the World would suffer this fate when mass murderers like Kira get nothing.

He startled when one of the walls moved – no, it was a door. The door opened, and Kira walked in. Kira, covered with a very peculiar lab coat, but with his usual pristine, ironed shirt.

"Kira…" hissed L, scrambling back, clutching his blanket tightly around him.

"Doctor Light Yagami," said Kira. Kira sighed, as if this was the thousandth time he had to repeat the same phrase, in the same tone, to the same person. "I am Doctor Yagami, as I've been telling you every day for the past four years. I am still Doctor Light Yagami. And before you start again, Lawliet, you are not L, the world's greatest detective, and you are not dead."

"You …really hate me, don't you, Kira?" L snarled, a vicious twist of lip he hoped would convey exactly how mutual the hate was. "You killed me when you were my only friend. And you're still standing here, lying. Shouldn't you be in Mu? Why are you here? And now, you're going to lie again, right?"

"In Mu for using the 'Death Note' to kill thousands of people?" questioned Light.

"That's what the Death Note said."

"Lawliet," Doctor Light Yagami said firmly. "There is no Mu. There is no Death Note. You're in a hospital – a mental hospital."

It was times like these when Doctor Light Yagami felt the strings of anguish beat through his veins. L Lawliet was clearly brilliant – his vivid imagination could have made him one of the greatest inventors, authors, playwrights, or directors alive. Instead, he fell victim to his inane intelligence; trapping himself in an imaginary world with an imaginary murderer that killed using a notebook. And somehow, he, Light Yagami, ended up as the mass murderer in Lawliet's imaginary world.

Light Yagami strongly preferred his job as L Lawliet's primary care physician to detective L's megalomaniac murderer.

When Lawliet didn't speak, Light tried again, "Look, I – we, we've tried everything. Everything. If we can't get you out of this fantasy world, there's only one option left. We have to remove it by force."

L Lawliet gave Light Yagami a cold glare.

"Get out, Kira."

-

"I don't know what to do!" said Light. Exasperation overlapped exhaustion until Light felt that there should be another word for how he felt.

"I don't either," agreed Soichiro Yagami. Chief of Staff in the hospital, and Light Yagami's father, Soichiro Yagami looked over the patient's folder one more time.

"He thinks he's the 'Greatest Detective in the World', and that I'm a murderer that can kill with a notebook. Of course, he's got to catch me for Justice," Light repeated the case, just for the hell of it. Light paused for a moment before he continued, "And he thinks I'm from that world of his. That's why he's rejecting my presence so much. Nothing I say convinces him that I'm not Kira, the imaginary friend that betrayed him. And, as if to show how delusional it all is, he even thinks he can live on a 24/7 sugar diet in that world of his."

"It makes sense to create a scenario where he's allowed to despise, hate, and avoid you," Soichiro said. "He doesn't like you, or what you say in reality. So he created a fantasy where you've lie to him many, many times before killing him. Therefore, he doesn't have to believe you. I guess his sugar addiction came from the bitterness he finds in reality."

"L Lawliet is frighteningly clever. I don't doubt he can be a great detective. He can be anything, if he wasn't so trapped in his world," Light said regretfully.

"But he is. The boy thinks he's dead."

"He's not!" shouted Light. It wasn't like Light to lose his composure, but this time was not the first, and he knew won't be last. His self-control lashed at Lawliet. "He's not dead, but he doesn't stop trying to be dead!"

L Lawliet, the once brilliant valedictorian of Tokyo University, had fallen to this. Unable to free himself of his depression, he made 16 suicide attempts before the hospital fully restrained him. Then, two months after, he trapped himself in a reality with killer notebooks, Death Gods, and detectives.

Now, he convinced himself that he was dead and another death would bring him out.

Since hospitalization, L Lawliet had made over 124 suicide attempts over the four years. To add to the trouble, the staff had to force-feed L Lawliet anything that wasn't high quality confectionery.

"Doctor Light Yagami," his father finally said, when Light took a deep breath and calmed down. "If you can't convince him soon…we really have to take action."

Action, to extract the brilliance and imaginary world of L Lawliet.

Lobotomy.

Light left the room in silence-he stopped to slam the door.

-

When he visited his patient again, half an hour before midnight, Lawliet had calmed. L's disease happened in bursts, Light noticed. When he forgot about the part where he died, he was clever, pleasant, and polite. Yet, L Lawliet could never stop being Detective L Lawliet.

"L," Light said, standing near the patient, the folder heavy in his arms. He hoped, for the last time, that living in the fantasy with L Lawliet would allow Light to extract it.

"Light-kun, how are you this evening?" L greeted, patting the area near his lap.

Light took a seat.

"I'm fine. Are you alright? Can I get you anything?" Light asked.

Apparently, he was not Kira tonight. Light briefly wondered who he was to the patient now.

Light Yagami, when his memory was wiped?

Light Yagami, the brilliant, pre-Death Note boy?

Doctor Light Yagami, patient L Lawliet's primary care physician?

Light hoped that Lawliet could see the last one, the boy seemed keen on avoiding the truth.

"No, I just want Light-kun to stay with me," said L quietly, his black eyes soft but alert. L took Light's hand gently into his own. "Light-kun is always my friend, my only and first friend."

Light's heart lurched uncomfortably in his chest. It was times like these…

"What if I am Kira?"

Please, please, please. Forget your fantasies, Lawliet.

"If Light-kun is Kira, I must bring him to justice, but Light-kun will still be my friend," replied L promptly.

Unable to respond – do anything, Doctor Light Yagami simply pulled L Lawliet close and hugged him.

"You'll…always be my friend too," whispered Light.

This time, Doctor Light Yagami wished he was Kira.

For, if he was Kira, there was no way he couldn't manipulate a way out of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Folie à deux: Misleading title, maybe. Folie à deux, in all medical reality, is a "shared psychotic disorder" where two individuals are trapped in an alternative, false, and shared reality.
> 
> Lobotomy: Scary medical procedure where they severe part of your brain. Mostly renders the patient zombie-like if done correctly. Gives the patient a one-way ticket underground if done incorrectly. Thankfully, it's illegal in reality now.


	2. Folie simultanée

"His condition is worsening," a nameless nurse said.

The man nodded, slightly annoyed that his  _friend's_  self-destructive yet brilliant illusions were simply labeled as a 'condition'. He entered the room, only pausing to look into his _friend_ 's beautiful, glazed eyes.

This was a pity; more of a pity than thousands of anyone else losing their life. The man knew he was being selfish, but he allowed it since the boy on the bed was his  _friend._

His friend- Light Yagami.

* * *

"Light-kun, how are you this evening?" detective L spoke softly, as if afraid that a louder voice would break his friend's porcelain conscious. Light couldn't see him, L knew. Light's eyes, though open, were vacant- his mind abandoned in an amaurosis world of mental patients, and doctors.

"Lawliet," Light spoke, as if he had repeated the phrase thousands of times. He spoke as if it was an automatic response he honed over many years. "Are you alright? Can I get you anything?"

_I'm fine. You're the one who's not,_ L wanted to say. But he restrained himself. After four years of watching Light's  _condition_  deteriorate, he was nearly used to it. It happened during the Higuchi case; Light Yagami touched the Death Note, screamed, and went insane.

For the first 2 months after the capture, he locked himself in his room muttering about  _Ryuk_ , killing, criminals. No one could have approached the young man.

L was incredibly angry at first; L deducted that, since touching the Death Note (and regaining any lost memory) drove Light crazy, Light must have had intensive memory of it. That meant Light Yagami was the first, original, and real  _Kira_. L was angry that he could not assert his victory and declare it over the disgraced  _Kira_.

Then, two months after touching the Death Note, Light was calm again. But Light wouldn't leave his bed, except when necessary. After a month of broken phrases, coaxing, and deducting, L finally figured out that Light had created an alternative universe for himself. Light Yagami had created a world in his mind where he was a doctor, and L was his patient. Everything that happened in Light's past became part of the imaginary world in his mental patient's delusions.

_Kira_  had no grasp on reality. And that was boring -so boring that the anger turned to pity, overwhelming sadness, and anguish. Soon, L realized that he lost his only friend.

"No, I just wanted to see Light-kun," L said.

Then he slid out, closing the door gently behind him.

* * *

For the countless time in four years, L couldn't concentrate on the case. Terrorists sending threats to stop a peace treaty between Russia and America mattered very, very little to him.  _In fact_ , he selfishly thought,  _if thousands of people suffered like him, he might feel a little better_.

"L," came Watari's voice.

"Yes, Watari?" L responded, more out of habit than anything else.

"It's been four years since Light-kun's condition," Watari said. "What do you plan to do?"

Watari had been, and still was, the only person L considered worthy of justification or explanation. Had anyone else questioned him, he would have simply ignored it until the person left, broke the wall in anger, or scream until Watari step in.

"I don't know. Since no one but you and I realized Light-kun was  _Kira_ , and his father agreed, I can keep him under my custody forever," L replied. When Light's choices were L or a mental institution, Soichiro found that it wasn't a hard decision at all. "But he is a hassle to move around, and I am not fond of being seen as a patient about to receive lobotomy."

"Light really hate that brain of yours," Watari mused.

L knew Watari was immensely displeased by Light's presence, but L wouldn't have it any other way. He  _knew_  there was no way Light's brilliant mind couldn't recover with time. And when Light recovered, they would be together; friends, partners, kindred spirits, soul mates, everything—together and forever.

"I don't know how to extract this insanity from him," L whispered, displaying a split-second of weakness he'd only allow Watari to witness. In his sitting position, he hugged his knees . "Not only has he locked reality away, he double locked it  _as another person's fantasy_. His mental patient, Lawliet's. Delusions to the highest degree. It gives him a perfect reason to reject reality as well as reject everything I say."

Three years and ten months ago, after writing an intensive report on the case and burning the Death Note, L impulsively told  _Kira_  his name.

"My name is L Lawliet," he'd murmured every hour, hoping that the crucial piece of information Light longed for would jar him away from his reverie. Instead, it created 'L Lawliet' the patient.

"The multiple detachments are probably the direct result of his schematic brilliance. His intellect turned against him. Yet he even retained his memory of Death Note," Watari observed.

"Not memory, per se. But as a story part of patient L's fantasy," L himself had no recollection of the Death Note, only believing in the existence of the object because of the incredibly detailed report he wrote to remind himself.

"Pity we can't give him the lobotomy he's planning to give you in his mind."

"I wouldn't stand for it, in any case."

"L, you're an adult; The Greatest Detective in the world. If anyone can deal with this, you can. You know I am not here to direct you unless your health is compromised, but I'm noticing a gradual decline in your work as well as increased apathy in your attitude. "

L and Watari would never see eye-to-eye on this, L knew. And, with Watari, one doesn't win an argument by demanding the last word.

So L did something even more immature: he ignored the man until the Gothic 'W' faded from the screen.

* * *

When L visited Light again, half an hour before midnight, Light had took a shower, washed his hair, and went back to bed. Despite having no other grip on reality, Light remembered basic hygiene. Cleaning himself usually made him more perceptive and awake, L knew. Yet, Light Yagami could never stop being Doctor Light Yagami.

Light was the one who greeted L this time, sending a jolt of hope directly into his heart.

"L, L Lawliet."

Even his voice was pleasant and much, much, more sane. Unable to maintain his callous expression L slid his hands out of his pocket and went to sit on the edge of Light's bed. He wasn't sure if he should say.

"Light-kun,"; if anything, that would be the safest thing.

"Where am I— why are you here?"

L didn't know how to answer.

_Did Light still believe he was in a mental institution, as Doctor Yagami?_

_Did Light still believe L Lawliet was his patient, and everything was his patient's hyperactive imagination?_

_Or did Light finally accept the reality of Detective L, and insane Light?_

"Light-kun is here with me," L Lawliet finally said, looking for a sign of – anything in Light's eyes. His heart raced when he saw something alive and alert reflected in Light's eyes. "I am here because Light-kun is my friend, my only and first friend."

Light, in a rare display of emotion, clasped L's left hand in his own. They simply stared at each other.

L realized he'd never hoped for anything as much as he  _wanted something that moment_ ; and he didn't even know what he wanted. L tightened the grip, wondering what Light Yagami would say next.

"What if I am  _Kira_?"

_You are Kira_ , L thought. But  _Kira_  was a case wrapped and packed four years ago. When the killing stopped, everyone accepted Higuichi's capture as a solution. No one cared for more details. No one except L, who was stuck with his friend's  _condition_.

"It does not matter."

"And I care just a little less."

The response was overwhelmingly similar to a response Light Yagami would have given 4 years ago.

Unable to respond – do anything, L simply pulled Light Yagami close and hugged him. He didn't know Light's mental state for sure, but if the boy acknowledges ' _Kira',_ then reality must have progressed further than an imaginary patient's mind.

And, L was very, very happy with anything he could get from Light. This was  _improvement._

* * *

"I don't know if it's an overall improvement or detriment, but something happened," Doctor Light Yagami started.

"Something being…?" Soichiro questioned.

"Patient L Lawliet seemed to repressed his imaginary death. In the past week, he's created a brand new scenario, where  _Kira_  went insane instead of killing him," Light paused. "He's also seemed to have a better grip on reality, where he has acknowledged some form of mental disorder, and my profession. Though, he's placed the mental disorder on  _Kira_ , and imagined Doctor Yagami as part of the insane  _Kira_ 's creation.

"Well, the important question remains: has he stopped his suicide attempts?"

"He's getting a lot better in that area. He seems to believe that his insane  _Kira_  would be sane as long as  _Kira_ 's allowed to play 'Doctor Light Yagami.' As such, he's simply very, very happy with my presence, and follows all my instructions."

"Well, if the suicide attempts stop, the patient no longer needs lobotomy."

"Wonderful. That was the entire reason for this meet-up."

Whether or not the new illusion was due to Lawliet's perceptive mind subconsciouly attempting to avoid lobotomy, or not, it was  _improvement.  
_

Doctor Light Yagami straightened his tie, and left his father's office.

This time, the door didn't slam angrily behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I heard you like plot twists, so I put a plot twist in your plot twist so you can think about plot twists while you think about plot twists. 
> 
> (=


	3. Mind over Matter

_Improvement_ was the best way to describe everything, Doctor Light Yagami concluded. Addicted to details and aided by his deductive abilities, he fully pieced together L Lawliet's new state of mind. The man still lingered in his fantasy world of murder notebooks, but when he was awake and alert he could easily pass for something _just_ a little next than normal.

Lawliet's company was cynically pleasant and humorously witty; Light found himself startled into laughter more times than he thought himself capable of.

Doctor Light Yagami remembered, that the sole reason he went into the profession was to find a cure for _himself_. In the first twenty years in his life, he had slowly sunk into melancholic depression as he aced every subject the academies had to offer, and mastered every new hobby within months. There was simply nothing new or exciting. There was a constant detachment that constantly made him wonder if he was actually alive and he soon realize that gray tedium was nearly not worth living for. He even wondered if death would make him feel more alive - surely the trepidation and fear would make him feel _more_. But he had stubbornly refused to let life beat him, and the hollowness never left him.

In Lawliet, Light saw himself. Except, Lawliet was much more suicidal, and delusional.

Light slowly eased into Lawliet's room, swiping his keycard to mark the room as 'Under professional use' and locked it.

"L, L Lawliet," he greeted the man crouched on the bed.

"Light-kun," L smiled – something wicked and welcoming at the same time.

Light mentally rolled his eyes before pulling out a three page questionnaire. "L, I need to fill this out. 27 questions; some on yourself, some to test your basic knowledge. The staff wants it as proof to decrease the amount of surveillances needed around you."

"Don't wanna," L immediately shuffled on the bed until his back is turned to Light, facing the wall, hands holding his knees tighter.

"L, you must do this. How else can we know how you're doing?" Light sighed, eyeing the charcoal mess of silky hair. He could nearly imagine the childish pout on L's face as the patient's face peaked over his knees.

"No. Questionnaires have the extraordinary ability to make me very depressed in the possibility I do not know an answer," L Lawliet said, his baritone voice conveying a flat confidence Light came to associate with L. L clearly never met a question he couldn't answer.

"Is there anything you want in exchange, then?" L could get under Light's skin in thirty second flat, when no other human could even rouse a change in his voice. "Like, to make it worth the risk?"

Slowly L turned around, toes squirming in the white sheets. Light started counting to one-hundred as part of a widely known calming exercise. He went up to seventy-two before L spoke again, "If I do this, Light-kun stays with me for two hours every night this week."

"Sure." There was no point in disagreeing.

When Light walked closer, L took a pen directly from Light's breast pocket without question and grabbed the papers, "I also want cake right now, which Light-kun should provide while I do this."

Light openly gawked until he realized nothing would help his case, and so he grudgingly left for the door, thoroughly exasperated.

* * *

When Light returned, L reached out for the slice of chocolate mousse cake as Light reached out for the questionnaire. Light could see inky lines on the pages – L did fill it out. How L wrote three pages in the short span of time Light was gone was something Light's genius brain couldn't figure out.

If a glaring contest with L's obsidian eyes wasn't so childish, and below him, Light would admit he was indulging in one.

Slowly, he handed the cake over as L dropped the sheets of paper unceremoniously on the bed, and immediately started on his cake.

Light picked up the papers, and glanced over it. Neatly lined gibberish covered the pages. A closer inspection told Light that the scribbles were words – words from at least 8 different languages simultaneously used to answer every question. All grammatically correct, if  based on the grammatical syntax of English.

"L Lawliet," Light hissed, "this is madness."

"Light-kun, I answered everything. Is there a problem?" L said. His voice bled faux innocence and there was an ostentatiously concerned look in his eyes.

Light wanted to retort, yell, or attack the raven-haired man, but professional patience overtook him as he gave the paper a second look, incredibly glad for his own wide range of linguistic. He knew he shouldn't feel proud that he knew the languages his mental patient knew, but it didn't stop the rush of pride flooding over him.

As far as his reading ability went, the answers were meticulous, incredibly sane, and impeccable.

"The instructions did not specify language, did it?" Light finally said, suppressing a sudden urge to smile. He left the smug patient to his cake, and ignored the "Yes, Light-kun".

Once outside, he could not stop a slow chuckle. The staff would have a field day. L Lawliet, with his slowly returning sanity, was simply _brilliant_. Light could already imagine the staff passing it off as mental gibberish before someone, maybe himself, pointed out that the handwriting was elegant, and the words were illegible. Then, someone would recognize the different languages and realized that the charge in room 4-120B was far, far more intelligent than the staff combined.

Light began to feel, somewhere deep inside, immensely more alive.

The small smile lingered on his lips as he knocked and entered his father's office. "Chief, the patient filled out the question sheet."

Soichiro nodded for Light to put the files down, and Light obeyed, glad that the chief did not want to open it immediately. He did not want to seem unprofessional by hysterically laughing at his father's inevitable reaction.

When he locked himself in the safety of his own room, the unprofessional and unexpected laughter began.

* * *

Upon starting the agreed two hours, Light had changed into comfortable casual clothing, and appeared in Lawliet's room exactly on 9:00. That way, he planned, he could relax for 2 hours, and head to bed. When he entered, L was perched on his bed, slowly sucking a cherry lollipop.

"Light-kun."

"Lawliet, are you alright? Can I get you anything?"

"Two requests, Light-kun," L said, raising his middle and index finger in a mock victory sign.

Light nodded.

"I do not want Doctor Light Yagami; I just want Light-kun. Two, please call me L."

Light Yagami closed his eyes briefly. His heart gave three lively, loud beats before he calmed himself. If this was the game Lawliet wanted, this would be the game they play. Light hoped that if L was allowed to live out his fantasies, he could realize they were simply fantasies. Besides, L was clearly challenging him. It was not as though L could assimilate Doctor Light Yagami into his irrational world of murder notebooks, detectives, and apple-loving Gods of _Death_.

"L, why do you like sweets so much?"

"It is said, Light-kun, that when one feels the lack of sweetness in life, they turn to saccharine for compensation," L said softly. He didn't elaborate, and Doctor Light Yagami was happy he caught L in one of his more talkative moods.

"The world is rotten," Light agreed. "But sugar is a dangerous as compensation; as an addiction."

Sugar is sweet. Sugar stimulates the mind. Sugar hypes a person. Sugar increases productivity. Yet, sugar was a poison that killed over time – Cantarella in the sweetest form. Light wondered about L's fascination, his obsession with _death_ in both reality and his own world.

"Light-kun, your concerns are appreciated, but useless nonetheless," L said, pale fingers tracing old, faded scars on his wrist, souvenirs of numerous suicide attempts. "Tell me, have you ever entertained the notion of death for yourself before?"

Light wanted to argue that, as Lawliet's doctor, his concern for Lawliet's health was relevant, and anything but _useless._ Yet, the question gripped him. The moment where he thought L saw through him passed, and he assured himself that it was simply a question out of curiosity. For reasons he didn't know, he went over to grab L's wrist, to stop L's fingers from its continuous trailing. He justified it as stopping a distraction.

"Many men fear death. I am not an exception, but it silly to desire self-destruction," he responded carefully, as he released Lawliet's wrist and took a seat on the bed.

"Is it now?" In the dim room, L's eyes looked chilled and haunted. Suddenly, Light wished for the more insane Lawliet.

_Perhaps this is what 'Detective L' is like._

At Light's silence, L continued to speak, "Kira merely wants destruction in his grand scheme, and 'Justice' is a good cover story. You destroyed yourself to become Kira. Kira destroyed himself to become Doctor Light. "

Doctor Light could feel Lawliet's sanity slipping. The man was returning to his world, and— _had he ever left it?_ He could not believe such logical and eloquent words were coming from the mouth of a madman. Yet, he was here to play along. Play along with Lawliet's detective fiction fantasy.

"And yourself, L. You seek the destruction of your invincibility. You embrace and waltz with the most notorious criminals, daring, taunting, and wanting. Then you attempt to sugar-trap your death," Light instantly replied. He had took far enough notes to understand what the imaginary detective was like. If Lawliet wanted to be L for two hours every night of the week, then Doctor Light Yagami could indulge—he could pretend to be the _Light-kun_ and _Kira_ that made up L's obsession.

"Is Light-kun familiar with The Butterfly Dream?"

"Yes."

"Yes...?" L said lightly, twisting his head to the side so a strand of midnight hair brushed against the top of his white shirt.

"Yes, L." Light inevitably flinched away when the look in L's eyes grew into something nearly monstrous. "The man dreamed that he was a butterfly, happy and lively. Then he woke up and wondered, if he is a man who just dreamed of being a butterfly, or a butterfly that is now dreaming he is a man."

"Reality is only defined because we defined it, feel the need to continuously define it, and feel the urge to confine it, " L said. "Is Light-kun the butterfly who dreams, or the man who was a dreamer?"

"Why can one not be both?" Light whispered.

L blinked, and gave a sad smile, "I missed you, Light-kun."

L reached over for Light's hand gently. He pushed the sleeve back to reveal a span of clear, unmarked skin. He circled the bony structure with his thumb and forefinger. Light observed the gnawed thumb, marveling at how soft L's fingers were, when the same thumb started to trace small circles on a particular blue vein. It was uncomfortably intimate, yet relaxing.

Doctor Light Yagami didn't want the feeling, oddly familiar, to go away.

"I was never away, L," Light said. He recalled comparing the sign two spidery fingers made before to a mock-victory sign. Suddenly, _mocking_ was not necessary in the description.

"I know."

Light stared into the abyssal of L's ebony - _daring, taunting, and wanting-_ eyes.

He didn't know what L knew.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, this is one of my more impulsive works, but seems like you guys like it well enough? xD   
> Lemme know :D


	4. Matter of Mind

"L," said Watari. "Have you decided on a case yet?"

The older man's voice brought L back from his reverie, but L didn't even remember what he was thinking about. It took him three seconds to remember that he was supposed to pick and work on a new case – Watari forbid if his mind ever rest.

Annoyed, he allowed the silence to linger for nearly a minute, before he answered.

"Yes. Watari, I would like to work on the 'Madhouse'," said L. "Please contact the hospital staff and inform them that L will send a proxy in two days."

L fully expected the silence that followed. L knew that Watari had already denied the request from the asylum without consulting him.

'Madhouse' was a case from CNL, an isolated mental asylum for criminals, 40 miles away from any civilization. No one knew what the letters stood for, but the location featured maximum security, high technology, and most violent psychopaths. Now, six of the psychopathic patients were brutally murdered, drained of blood, and left in a windowless, secure room triple-locked from the inside. Furthermore, the three large pieces of furniture were moved to block the door. As far as details went, this was a perfect crime.

"Madhouse?" It wasn't an attempt to feign ignorance; Watari was too wise.

"Yes." L didn't elaborate, and Watari didn't ask how L knew about the case.

"Does this have anything to do with _Kira_?"

L would claim that Watari had crossed the line, but he couldn't. L had broken the silent contract between them first; if Watari purposely did not show L a case, then L would not consider the case or question the decision. The day was full of lines crossed, L thought sardonically as his eyes strayed inevitably over to the three monitors depicting Light Yagami curled in his bed.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Watari," said L. "I caught _Kira_ four years ago, the man died, and I do not think this has anything to do with Death Notes."

Another line; L really wasn't supposed play a fool in front of Watari.

But the darkest, thickest line remained uncrossed. Watari would not go against L.

"Very well, L," the older man conceded.

By conventional means, L would be a qualified sociopath, served with a double treat of psychopathic tendencies—but that didn't matter one bit. A lot of things didn't matter when the most prominent World Powers ate out of his palm. A hushed and delicate breath of air, a monosyllable _jump,_ and the entire world would scramble to leap. Then, the world would pray they reached the desired height because no one dared to face him and ask 'how high'.

That was how everything worked. His position was as intricate as it was deadly; exhilarating, and thrilling. L knew of no other way to live, and it suited him perfectly.

 _Perfectly_ was how L liked everything that mattered.

"Please reserve five rooms in the three nearby hotels in the cities near the asylum. I will visit the place personally. I want any information CNL has, I want a blueprint of the entire hospital, and I want transportation arranged by tomorrow," said L as he stood to walk to the door.

 _His way_ was how L loved everything.

* * *

L did not like the fact that he had to leave Light behind. L was no longer sure of anything when it came to Light. The only thing he knew for sure was that Light was recovering. Light could hold conversations, and he seemed to be piecing information together.

Of course, Light Yagami was too intelligent, too alert, to ask 'where am I' again, and to L, that was a sign of recovery.

Five minutes later found L on the edge of Light's bed, shaking the teenager awake. When Light woke, a subtle shift, silk blanket spilling as he sat up, L smirked. In the close proximity, L could feel the warm air escape from Light's body under the blanket. Light seemed slightly surprised, but it was quickly masked into something polite and inquiring.

L suppressed another thrill – Light was becoming more and more like himself. Maybe, maybe, even more like _Kira._

Of course, L wanted his friend very much, yes. But the greater truth was, _Kira_ excited him like nothing else. _Kira_ caused his stomach to flip and turn erratically, his heart to beat with twice the intensity. Their precarious tango with life and death on a pendulum was the high L craved his whole career.

"One has to know touch death to realize what life is, do you think so, Light-kun?" L suddenly said. Hopefully, Light Yagami would not insist on being a doctor this moment.

"L," the name sounded sleepy, personal and beautiful from Light's lips. "If I just woke up from an only God knows how long nap, philosophy is most definitely the last thing on my mind."

"Light-kun is being unreasonably mean," L pouted, simply because Light had that effect on him. "I think Light-kun should do something to make up for his lack of social etiquette, and I know for a fact that God is not the only one who knows how long Light-kun slept."

"That's _wonderful._ Now why don't you go take that 'how long Light-kun slept' and shove it somewhere?" Light rolled his eyes, a move that L admitted was quite endearing. Then he stretched, and groaned. "Maybe the same place you pulled it out from."

"I hear that there is a wonderful class nearby, something called 'Behavioral Discipline for Children'," said L. Mirth dripped playfully from L's charcoal eyes. "I fully believe Light-kun would benefit from a few sessions."

Light stared.

"You're the blackest pot I've ever laid eyes on," he finally said, watching as L brushed a piece of ebony hair back.

L seemed to ponder it for a moment, before he pointed to Light.

"Pot," said L, his index finger aimed at Light. Then he pointed to himself. "Kettle."

"My career choice always fell short of being a cookware," said Light, a small smile playing on his lips. "You can be _both_ the pot and kettle for all I care."

"Light-kun is most generous," replied L. "But what does that make Light-kun?"

"I think I'm fine with being human, thank you for your concern."

"I think, therefore I am," quoted L as he lifted his foot from the ground to crouched on the bed. A sense of déjà vu ran through L as he placed his hands on his knees, and observed Light's honey eyes. Light's expression was unreadable.

" _Enough_ of this—"

"Humor me. Please," L's voice was soft, and Light gave in with subtle acquiesce, like he always did.

" _Cogito ergo sum_ implies the tangibility of 'I', 'think' and 'am'. It implies the correlation, and it implies that 'I' know what thinking is, it implies knowledge of 'am' when it doubts existence itself," said Light, his voice equally soft.

"What is existence, Light-kun?" The detective muttered darkly.

"I don't know. I hate Philosophy. For all the possibilities," said Light, as he reached out suddenly to grab L's arms, and pulled him forward. The solid skin and muscle he wrapped his fingers around seemed to reassure him as he made his next statement. "You don't exist."

The verdict was incredibly cruel, thought L. The feeling started with a chilled clench in his stomach, and spread rapidly. Icy water directly from the most frozen realm of hell overtook his common sense and rationality. Quite suddenly, the room was freezing, and Light, those hands on him, were the only source of warmth. L moved closer.

_You don't exist._

"If you touch me, I'll feel it. If you cut me, I'll bleed," L insisted quietly. He firmly believed that the room was far too cold as he leaned into Light, and crawled under the blanket to straddle a thigh. It was far too intimate, far too unprofessional; something barbarically risqué. L didn't care. He reached up, his hands clasping around Light's neck, elbows pressed against Light's chest –flesh against flesh. "If you kill me, I'll die."

Light's hands tightened considerably as he nodded tersely, and L could feel warmth seeping from everything that was Light into himself. It was very similar to _Kira_. Both _Kira_ and Light Yagami could make him feel alive; the hot, fiery trepidation that _Kira_ seduced with, or the simple, flushed understanding that came with Light.

Right now, L wanted to feel alive.

The silence was torturous, and threatened to suffocate him. Reality furled and unfurled around him as Light released one hand from L's arm and used it to drag the blanket up. Soft, luscious silk covered them both, and Light didn't seem to mind when L pressed closer.

L didn't want to think about how many lines were crossed by now.

It was beyond humanly cold in that particular room, and he was damn sure someone should do something about it.

The world shattered around L.

* * *

Two days later, Watari drove L to CNL, a quiet journey after a three hour long plane ride.

The 'Madhouse' case just might prove to be the most interesting case since the _Kira_ case, thought L. Then again, he knew _Kira_ was a once in a life time, once in a century case. L knew perfectly well that he only cracked the _Kira_ case by pure luck – Had _Kira_ 's vessel not went mad, _Kira_ may or may not have already planned L's million dollar funeral.

But the _Kira_ case was resolved with the heavy loss of L's only friend, and L wasn't too sure if it wasn't simply a Pyrrhic victory.

L decided to stop wondering and focus on the newest, interesting case. Schematics showed that CNL was walled in from all sides, with a wall 40 feet in height, and two feet in width. There was one, and only one entrance, with 24/7 surveillance, eight security cameras, and six guards on duty.

To L, that meant a 60% chance that the murderer was from within the walls of CNL, perhaps one of the doctors, nurse, security, janitors, or professionals. The other 40% came from the fact that Wedy and Aiber had successful infiltrated the place the previous night to install safety precautions.

When Watari's vehicle pulled up in front of the iron gates of CNL, the Director of CNL and two doctors were there to greet him. Two nurses and four security guards stood behind the three men.

Watari opened his door, and L stepped out, hands in his jeans pocket. He could see the question in the others' eyes.

"I am Ryuga. L sent me," said L. "And L will expect me back in three hours –exactly the same way."

_Or else._

The wrath of a man who controlled the world's law was not something CNL would want to face and the arrogance of the disheveled man standing without body guards or formal attire was proof enough.

"Thank you, Ryuga," said the man in the middle; Director Eindesen. They did not bother with any other formalities as they walked toward the white-washed Hospital; L was professional, and Eindensen was not one to waste time repeating names that Ryuga already knew. "Let us speak inside."

As they walked down the cobblestone path, they passed a handcuffed woman escorted by two guards. Disheveled, white hair clung to her bony shoulders, and a few strands blew across her waxen skin when the breeze picked up. She grinned at L, cracked lips pulled back to reveal broken, yellowed teeth. A grin that was the essence of insanity; the core of everything delirious.

" _Welcome to the Madhouse, stranger."_


	5. Here Lies Justice

Two guards immediately dragged away the decrepit woman. Neither L nor Eindesen made a comment, but the latter offered an apologetic smile— an artificial display of courtesy. The smile was accepted on an equally insincere level, but one of the doctors, either disturbed or pompous, apologized out loud, "Please disregards the impudence of certain derelicts, Ryuga. They mean no harm."

L glanced behind him and matched the face of the man who spoke with a picture from the staff roster he reviewed last night. Eidetic memory and facial recognition came naturally to him.

"I knew better, Doctor Yahen" replied L. He watched the doctor fought a flush down, and saw his hands tense for a moment. L didn't know why he behaved crudely when he could have merely nodded, but he contributed his hatred of doctors to his friend's _condition_.

"I did not mean to imply otherwise," came the reply, equally audacious. L looked at the man again, this time in surprise. His gaze was met with the unyielding eyes of a professional, and L allowed a small smirk.

"No, of course not," said L; for the sake of having the last words.

Soon they approached the main building, and the doors automatically opened. Closer observation told L that Eindesen had a remote in his pocket, and L stored the information in his mind. They entered a brightly lit lobby, and Eindesen led the group to a side hallway beyond that, to a large office. A moment of silence, and Eindesen handed L a large folder.

"It's nothing we've already E-mailed you, but these are the original copies."

L noticed that the man did not invite questions, but he would not allow that to stop him. "Please bear with me here, and repeat the case."

"At bed time, 9:00, their absences were noted. The night shift went out to search for the group, and someone noticed a loud sound, a bang, from the warehouse. Four hours later, the locks were sawed through— we usually only use one lock, but we have three heavy duty ones standby— and we shoved the furniture, a bed, a desk, and a couch away. We saw the 6 bodies," said Eidesen "Death by exsanguination, and they had professional lacerations on them – we can show you the bodies."

"Please."

"Doctor Yahen can lead the way," replied Eidesen. The man sat behind his desk, and open a manila folder; a clear indication that he was not going to provide further assistance. L mentally calculated a 4.3% increase in Eidensen's probability of guilt. One could call him childish, but L would defend the action with 'personality likelihood'. Of course, he was childish too.

* * *

"Quite absurd, if you want my opinion."

Doctor Yahen looked at him. "I second your opinion. The security cameras have not been tampered with, but there really was absolutely no one who entered or exited the sanatorium. "

"Then perhaps the murderer is," said L, "in the mental hospital itself."

They reached the mortuary, and Yahen swiped his keycard. The light flashed green, and he typed an access code. L counted twenty-nine clicks, but he could not see the hand movements. Once they were inside, Yahen spoke, "There is no surveillance here."

"Are you sure?" L never denied that he was paranoid; it was part of his success strategies.

"Yes," replied Doctor Yahen.

"Pray, tell. What misfortune has befallen the real Doctor Yahen? Is the man alright?" asked L, as he double locked the door. Then he strolled to the first body, a corpse held back from decomposition by the chilly air within the glass display case.

"Ten-thousand USD ensured a one-day retirement from the man, and all the necessary access codes," replied the man in the doctor's garb. L recognized Aiber under the disguise; had known since the man first spoke. The flawless make-up application did nothing to conceal the little slips of easy confidence. "The staff hardly knows one another, and Yahen has always been a quiet man –what gave me away?"

"You know L too well," said L.

Aiber waited in silence as L examined the bodies in the cases. They were gruesome to the extreme; mouth frozen in a silent scream, skin pulled back to reveal the uncanny lack of blood, precise gashes that scarred the already dirtied skin. L idly wondered, for two minutes, if the eyeball of the fourth body would escape the torn skin and broken bones that held it back. Every body had a large cut on the neck, supposedly the first cut, where the blood was drained.

L did not take notes- his mind was more than capable of recording every image, every detail with more precision than a high-definition camera or hand-taken notes. When he finished his examination—circled around to look twice, and raised his head satisfied, Aiber nodded.

"Shouldn't you take some notes?" asked Aiber. "To be more believable?"

L opened the door, his voice raising slightly, "L's plans are not part of your concern, Doctor."

They exited, Aiber resuming his role as Doctor Yahen once again. L observed, for the mere sake of boredom, the transformation – a slight fall of lips, a flash of transformation to somber eyes, and a hunched posture. They walked to the warehouse, silence accompanying every step.

The warehouse was windowless, as the files had indicated. The locks were bashed in—a bed, a couch, and a desk was knocked over on the left side of the entrance, legs broken from the fall. The door was apparently was the only way in and out of the airtight room. White chalk outlined the places where the bodies were found. Many wooden crates lined the side.

"What's in the crates?"

"Equipments that they don't use," Aiber replied, indirectly informing L that there was, once again, no surveillance in the area.

"I see," said L. By logic, and the nature of the homicide, the murderer had to have entered the warehouse. _How?_ A second question, perhaps the better question, was _what happened to the blood of the bodies?_ There wasn't a single blood stain in the warehouse. So the murderer had to have committed the crime elsewhere.

L blinked in realization, and he reached for the third cell phone in his jeans. He was about to dial Watari's number when Aiber stopped him, "there is no signal anywhere except in the main building. Can I help?"

"Sixty pints of blood is not easy to dispose of, and I think it's only reasonable to believe that the liquid is still in this area. Either that, or the murder stupidly poured it down a toilet or sink, which will alert the water supply system, and trace it to the location." stated L. "Is there an area with excessive amount of soil or poultry?"

Of course, it was a rhetorical question. L knew there wasn't soil in the area, except for the front garden—and the flowers would have wilted, if they met with that large amount of blood.

Aiber shook his head.

L bit his thumb gently, "Please continue the surveillance."

"Wedy's installed a few dozen cameras in the areas you indicated. And I'll be monitoring as much as possible."

L listened, and appeared lost in thought for a moment. His eyes trailed upward slowly.

"I am not feeling very well at the moment," L finally said."I shall take my leave immediately. Please inform Director Eidesen, after I meet Watari."

Aiber nodded.

* * *

No one stopped L when he strolled through the pathway to the gates of the facility. Ahead, he saw Watari's car, an engine between the guards of the gate. A guard tried to search L, but a cold glare, and a sensible nudge from his partner side-tracked his intentions.

A sense of relief washed over L when he entered the car. Watari silently handed him a bag of sugar packets, and a cup of tea, warm from a thermo.

"Start driving," said L. He absolutely deplored the mental institution. It was nearly dreamlike in its stoic, expressionless stone walls. The shackled criminals, doctors, and security felt surreal. He barely stayed over an hour. And of course, there was the case at hand.

The only plausible idea, with a 48% (and increasing) probability, was that the murderer dug a path underground, or through the walls. Considering how there was no other lead, L decided to entertain the notion for a while. Of course, the floors were concrete, and so if it could dry in the time from the bodies' time of death to when the door was broken, it could not exceed five inches in thickness. He would have Aiber check the warehouse floor later.

Twenty minutes later, Watari pulled up in front of the hotel. He exited, and opened the door for L. L nodded his appreciation, and went up to his room. If the murderer truly created an underground tunnel, then resealed it, then he (L used the male pronoun simply because it was shorter) must have spent months destroying the old floor, and creating the pathway. What would be the motivation, wondered L. He locked his hotel room door behind him, when suddenly—he felt cold metal against the back of his neck.

"Your alarm systems and surveillance security are rather juvenile," said a male voice. "It only took two hours to hack in, crack your alarms, and feed you loops, _L_."

L kicked back; a well placed kick that sent the gun flying out of the man's hand. L caught the gun, and smashed the barrel on the light switch. The bright light illuminated the room he pressed a hidden alarm in his belt- a cry to Watari. L felt the wind breeze when the trespasser attempted to lash out at him.

The man, a masked figure, grimaced in pain as L brought the gun down on his forehead with a harsh crack. L wanted to shoot, but he had no interest in explaining bloodstains. The man, thought L as the figure collapsed, was incredibly stupid and incapable for someone who trespassed into his secured hotel room.

The thought made L look up in shock, the first rush of real fear coursing through him as a gun, other than the one he held, cocked. The next thing he felt was intense pain. He watched with fascinated horror as the front of his shirt stained red. There was no other sound, other than a small slip as someone else slipped their gun back into a holster, and L's gun clattering to the ground.

In his dimming vision, he thought he saw the triumph smirk of the other man, Unmasked, but L could not recall the face - he couldn't recall anything, as hauntingly familiar as it was. Darkness was much more comforting than the bright bulb his fallen body forced him to look into.

Oddly, the last thought that came to his mind, was _Kira_.

By the time Watari arrived, _Detective L was dead_.

* * *

"What's wrong with him?" yelled Marie, a trainee nurse. Marie held back the black haired patient, pushing against the wrist that shook and trembled, grasping the shoulders-whatever she could grab. The man was screaming, hoarse cries, one after another, escaping his now-white lips.

"Call Doctor Yagami, the patient in room 4-120B is convulsing and hyperventilating, we need him here now!" another voice joined the panicked yell, the owner of the voice grasping the legs of the said patient.

"He's coming, he's coming," said the third person, a young male that rushed into the room.

It stopped when Light Yagami entered the room. L Lawliet simply sat up in silence, head tucked between his knees. The other occupants in the room, two nurses, and a trainee, looked unto the doctor for directions.

"Please leave us," Light said. When Lawliet had a fit, his mind usually created a brand new scenario, thought Light, or perhaps, a more horrifying death. It was occurring more and more often. The nurse and assistants looked relieved, exiting the room without another word. Light prepared himself for another intensive note-taking section, wondering what case had L came up with in his detective charade, this time.

"L Lawliet, it's alright," said Doctor Light Yagami. "Why don't you tell me what happened? I can—"

"It's quite alright indeed," said L Lawliet as he looked up. There were dried tear stains on his face, but his eyes were dry and Light felt that, for the first time, Lawliet looked and saw him. "Doctor, I believe I understand this world now. Detective L is dead."


	6. Justice Has Lie

Light Yagami stayed silent. His eyes wandered to the fine, pale fingers that gripped the fabric over L Lawliet's knees. Fingers usually gave away the most information. The nerve clusters that created sensitivity and gave sensation were nearly impossible to control, and many people became too focus on facial expressions. L's fingers remained stationary and told him nothing. His eyes returned to Lawliet's face, brown eyes searching the abyssal black ones.

Lawliet's eyes didn't reveal anything anymore, and Light mentally slapped himself – yes, slapped- for believing in false hope. As a professional, that was unacceptable.

"Let me tell you a story," said Lawliet.

Light didn't think it was the wholly appropriate time for any sort of story, but L Lawliet shook his head.

"I just remember it. After twenty years. I don't want to forget again. Remember it for me."

Silence.

"If you'll never do anything else for me, at least –"

"Just talk."

Light prepared himself to listen to yet another epic adventure of Detective L. He was weary. He had felt so alive when L looked –looked and saw— him. His eyes pricked, but he didn't know why.

"There was once a kingdom. It was ruled by two princes. Both were brilliant in their own rights, but they couldn't rule without each other. Because while one was very, very kind, the other was very, very cruel. They were cursed. If they felt anything but kind or cruel, they will perish."

Light stared.

"The kind one was known as the Prince of Light, and the cruel one was known as the Prince of Shadows. The villagers hated the Prince of Shadow, but Light couldn't rule without him, so they let him be."

"Light or Prince of—" Ignored.

"One day, a beautiful princess was sent to the kingdom. Prince of Light showered her with all sorts of gifts and fell in love with her."

"Unknown to both princes, she was there to break up the kingdom. She knew that the princes couldn't rule without each other. The Prince of Light was too kind to notice, but the Prince of Shadow found out. He killed her."

"For the first time ever, the Prince of Light got very, very angry. He struck the Prince of Shadow across the face. But he could not deal with the guilt and the loss, so he locked himself up and refused to eat. Weeks passed, and soon the prince was near death. For the first time in his life, the Shadow felt a pang of guilt. He offered the Prince of Light a single wish _. I'll grant it, even if you desire my death."_

"What happened?" The question was whispered.

"I don't know," replied L.

"Then, what on mother good earth was the _hell_ of –"

"The story says that, only one of the prince lived to be both kind and cruel. The curse was lifted when the other die."

Light blinked.

"Light-kun, do you think the kind prince died, or the cruel one?"

"Both, for all I care about a fictional kingdom," said Light. "You should rest up, Lawli-Detective L."

"It's quite alright, Doctor Yagami," said Lawliet. "I, L Lawliet, quite understand my position as your 26 years old patient in this mental institution."

"I see," answered Light. He was excited but slightly agitated by the unexpected response. Name, age, and acknowledgement of the institution were usually the first questions they ask to recovering patients, and L clearly knew. "Would you like to say anything else while at it?"

"I forget my lessons from Tokyo University four years ago," said L Lawliet, as he shifted into a less comfortable crouch. "What will you ask me now?"

"I don't know," replied the doctor. "This is sudden. No one saw it coming. It will take a while for me to file a recovery questionnaire, so I actually won't be asking you anything. Would you like to just chat?"

"No."

"So." said Light. He suddenly wished that had a tape recorder. He felt that that moment should be recorded, and replayed.

"So, it will be a long time before I am allowed to venture outside?"

"First, you must request voluntary status. We will observe you for up to a week, allow you certain freedoms for another week, and we may grant you the status. If you no longer meet the definition of critically ill, you will then write a three-day letter to request relief. After you are released, you are required to check-in three times a week for up to a year."

"So this is entirely based on my performance, you say."

"I highly recommend you write your letter in Japanese, and only Japanese," said Doctor Light. The phrases had a multitude of meanings and intent. He wanted to see if L retained the memory of his previous written responses. He was also encouraging a positive behavior so L gets the chance to write the letter. He was excited, to say the least.

He had never imagined that patient L could fully recover, but this was the closest. It struck him that he would be a little lonely without the patient that had been with him since he entered the profession. If he told himself the truth, he would admit that he fully expect L to relapse any second, as he usually did.

L gave a small smile, a lift of lips with a tinge of innocence and mischief, "I think I like Light-kun best the way he is now. He is not making any sincere attempt to end my life."

Light wanted to retort that any attempts on his life were entirely in L's mind, but he was afraid that it would jar the patient. His job was to accommodate, not aggravate.

When he looked up again, he saw L's eyes shine in a way that indicated bad news. "Doctor Light Yagami wishes to say something, but he wants to keep his job," announced L.

"I wish to inform you I can say anything I want to you, and still keep my job," smiled Light. The jab felt like an inside joke, for no apparent reason. Light remembered the hope and excitement that filled him whenever L had moment of clear sanity. If Light could have one wish, he would wish that L could remain sane forever. But of course, he was a far more sensible man than that, and he was a Doctor.

In the moment of silence, Doctor Yagami pretended that he was simply Light Yagami, bantering with his close friend, L Lawliet. Then, reality sank in with L's next words.

"I remember most of it. Many times, I knew this was reality, but, I didn't want to deal with it," said L.

"Why did you come back now?" asked Light. ' _Are you going away again?_ ' remained unasked.

"L Lawliet will have a record of mental hospitalization. I will struggle to find footing, in a quite unpleasant manner," continued Lawliet, as if Light didn't interrupt him. Then he lifted his fingers and tugged at his lips lightly. "But I can't stay in my mind anymore. You keep pushing me out, and I cannot continue my existence in there. I'm most afraid of dying yet again."

Light stared at him. L Lawliet's insights felt like cold water thrown at his face. Yet, the idea that his patient might make a full recover warmed him. Light thought to himself that lukewarm water was as unpleasant as it was enjoyable. He chided himself for the anxiety. After all, Lawliet would probably relapse. Yet, the man had _never_ acknowledged the facts he just admitted, and it gave Light hope.

Light never knew that anxiety, uncertainty, and hope could pour so much feeling into him. He wondered if this was what it felt like to feel alive.

"My job is to accommodate you and make you feel comfortable," Light recalled the lines from some handbook. He didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry for the discomfort."

"The word 'sorry' is rather overrated, with too little meaning," said L, his voice soft. Then he smirked, "You, Light Yagami, are not sorry, and you shouldn't be. To say I am an ignorant man is to deeply insult me. I understand most of my previous condition. I understand your faultlessness."

"You…" Light remembered his professional training, and promptly altered the rest of his sentence, "really are recovering."

"What were you really going to say?"

Light gave L a resigned glare, not bothering to mask his annoyance, "Unadulterated brat."

L's smile grew wider, and Light couldn't help but think if L was anyone else, they would have laughed.

"Why did you do it at first? All those suicide attempts," asked Light. The question bothered him on a personal level.

"I didn't want to die. I was just…fascinated by the fact that I could bleed," said L, "fascinated by the redness of blood. My blood."

Light could imagine himself in the position; bored and hollow, fascinated by the fact that he bled red blood, just like any other, _alive_ , human. The hollow, perfect, life he led suddenly scared him.

"I will go place the request for your transition," said Light.

"I am not allowed to exit the room?"

"No, not yet."

* * *

The week passed by without accident. L Lawliet remained alert the whole time, and Light almost convinced himself that L Lawliet never was insane. The other staffs could not believe it, but L Lawliet handled any interviews like a confident, intelligent professional.

The entire staff gave Light Yagami full credit for the turn in events. Though he was already famous for his physical appearance and abilities, the others now perceived him as godly. L's recovery felt like reaching a forbidden fruit to Light.

Light felt as if he was living in a dream that would shatter into a million pieces any moment.

"A fly!" exclaimed L. The man smiled at the white wall above his bed, and stared at the black spot. Moments later, the insect flew away with a low buzz.

"Yes, L. A fly," said Light. The doctor stood in the middle of the hallway, closing his folder as he gestured for his patient to come down the white corridor. When L didn't get up, Light paused and rolled his eyes, "Fly needs to go home. Will L be a good boy and walk with me?"

The glare he received was no laughing matter, but Light couldn't hide his smile all the same. Then, the smile faded.

"After years in bed, I can't walk," said Lawliet. He tried to rise, but collapsed immediately.

"Oh." Light felt stupid. "I'll get you a wheelchair."

Three minutes later, he was wheeling Lawliet down the corrider.

"Take me to the roof," said Lawliet.

"That's not part of the—" Hesitation.

"Please. I need this."

Light had never seen that the look in Lawliet's eyes. Then, Lawliet looked away, and Light saw a familiar fog creep over L's eyes.

"No!" Doctor Yagami gripped L's arms and shook him. "We're going up. We'll go."

L nodded.

The air was fresh, and L smiles brightly when they went up.

"Why did you do so much for me?"

"I guess I liked the challenge. Life was so boring before you," Doctor Yagami said softly. The roof was a flat surface, with no rails. If a man walked a little too far, nothing would stop his fall. Light wonders how alive he would feel if he could sit on the edge, legs dangling below, a split second away from death.

He would feel more live than he ever felt in the twenty six years of his life.

"If you walk over to the edge, you would have pushed me over first."

Light started, and realized that Lawliet was staring him the whole time.

"One has to touch death to know what life is," said Light.

"You said that before," whispered L.

Suddenly, Light's cell phone rang. Directing a glance at it, Light picked it up.

"Light. Come here quickly. It's an emergency. Please. Please. Please."

Light had never heard his father sound so desperate.

"I—"

"Light! We need you right now…your patient in room 2-01JL. The suicide maniac. A fire started near his room. The hospital is in fire. He wants to jump in-we need you calm him down. "

Light slid his phone shut, and looked at L.

"Go," said L. "I can be alone for a while."

Light felt speechless. He had a horrible feeling about being irresponsible. Before the feelings fully manifested, L glared him.

"Don't ever let a man kill himself. Don't let him, if you can help it."

Light nodded and dashed down the stairs. Behind him, L Lawliet sat still in his wheelchair.

* * *

Turned out it was more of a false alarm than anything. True, over twenty fire alarms went off, but the fire barely damaged one room and only brushed the door. The maniac was subdued by drugs within seconds, and he was carefully moved away.

With a scowl, Doctor Yagami ignored his father, and bolted to the roof. Soon, the slightly chilled wind blew in his face, and he glanced at the general direction where he last saw L.

Empty.

Just as empty as the wheelchair left by the edge of the roof.

Slipped in the wheelchair, was a piece of paper.

_But the truth is, I think the kind Prince of Light was the one left alive._


	7. Truth

_Dear Light Yagami,_

_Do you remember?_

_There was never another way to end it._

_You, Kira, who killed thousands in your grandiose move to cleanse the world. In the name of the most convoluted sense of justice. I couldn't save you when you went insane but I couldn't let you go._

_You touched the Death Note and tried to reclaim your memory._

_You were the original Kira, but Kira has long left your broken mind._

_I waited four years for you to become Kira again._

_I realized you will never become Kira again._

_So I orchestrated the perfect crimes in CNL._

_I rearranged the asylum so it could become your mental hospital._

_I allowed you to 'kill' Detective L so you were able to fully delve into your fantasies._

_Your guilt drove to save me and become Dr. Yagami._

_I allowed myself to become your impossible patient, patient L. Lawliet._

_In the first four years, I tried to save you._

_In the next four years, you tried to save me._

_I never saved you and you never saved me._

_But our realities can co-exist independently and in peace now._

_Your patient L. Lawliet is dead, but you will try to save others._

_Others that I, Detective L will send your way, to your very own mental hospital._

_L._


End file.
